harvesting sacred spaces

Harvesting Sacred Spaces

For those of you who do not know, my basement flooded over a year ago (July 2018). This basement was my office space and my movement space. My space to disappear into my world of work, ritual and magic. My space to let go of my husband or my kids SHIT. My space to meditate, paint, dance, cry and create. My space to see clients and gather women. My space to keep clean and have all the things just so. My space to find my Self.

When the flood happened, I had a really naive perception of how long it would take to get back in my space. 6 weeks was my original timeline. 6 weeks? I could handle 6 weeks! I am resilient. I have my tools. Not to worry...

Well…

Since the space flooded, all of the downstairs stuff that was salvageable moved upstairs to dry land--into the house that is... All the damaged stuff got tossed outside in giant piles. Stacks and stacks and stacks of STUFF. EVERYWHERE. Inside and out.

We moved my office into our bedroom. I am fortunate that I work with the majority of my clients online, so I wasn’t really losing business, but our small bedroom that now had 2 desks, file cabinets and my other work things, was overwhelming for both me and my husband. 

6 weeks, turned into 8 weeks and 8 weeks turned into months, and as the months went on living  and working in clutter and surrounded by clutter, my nervous system was really challenged. 

Here I am, a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, working with other people to help them navigate their stress physiology and body, and I felt like I wanted to simultaneously crawl out of my skin and burn down the house! 

While this past year has been challenging, and as trying as it was on my system, it has been (and continues to be) a blessing to play with and explore my relationship (past, present, future) with SPACE and CONTAINERS. 

The space inside of me, the space around me in my environment, the space outside in nature, the universe as space, the spaces with friends, the space to dance, the spaces practitioners held for me, the spaces that were safe for me when I was a child, how I hold space as a practitioner or teacher, the containers of spaces, the list keeps going. 

Given where I was at, there has been a great deal over the past year that felt internally plugged, stuck, trapped, and weighed down, in my body, in my environment, and in my mind. 

This is not a still space to be in. This stuck/trapped/plugged is extremely charged. So much energy and desires to move with and yet, forced into a kind of freeze by my conditions. 

At another point in my life, this would have been entirely overwhelming, anxiety provoking and depressing, but my capacity to handle stress and be with deep emotions has increased tenfold. My system doesn’t hang onto EVERYTHING anymore the way it used to, my body is able to let go of what is not mine or digest and integrate what is.

The gift then came from listening deeply to what I needed in each moment throughout the whole experience.

How (in the clutter) could I expand my body/system’s capacity to be with all the unfolding? 

Fueled by an unwavering inner knowing and trust in the divine winks from the universe, I continued to sync with my cycles and follow synchronicity bread crumbs. 

Now, this fall, I am stepping back into my finished space (WOOHOO!) and I am open for in person clients! 

Although I was very conscious and aware of my process throughout this time, having my sacred space to return into and create in has shifted something further for me. 

Reorganizing back into a home, separating out my office from the rest of the house, and having all of the STUFF removed from outside the house has lightened up everything energetically SIGNIFICANTLY. I am shocked at the tangible difference that I notice in my own body and energy body as I spend time in my house or walk around the property. 

During the height of the mess and disorganization, there was a part of me as a practitioner that felt like because I had all these internal skills and ways to negotiate stress, that the space and environment should not matter.

Not true. 

The space around us is critically important for how we feel in the world. 

Since I didn’t have the physical space in my home, over the last year I explored and learned about the spaces around me where I could drop into that container of spaciousness, that safety, that home so that I could allow my own body and system to settle and process what was happening. 

When we are coping and making the best out of a situation, many times that leaves room for overriding emotions. We might not be in a place (in front of our kids) where we can fully express the extent of our feelings or we may be uncomfortable fully experiencing emotions in the first place. 

For me and my sanity during this past year it was about finding and creating the containers where I could bring my whole self to ride the wave of anything that wanted to move through me. Orienting to the spaces where I could show up again and again and be with my self.

Letting go. Stripping down and away to my truth. Again and Again.

Some SPACES were physical places like different lands, forests, or oceans and other SPACES were the containers formed when I connected with a few specific people.

As mammals we are not designed to do this thing called life alone. Our body/organism is designed to co-regulate with the energy of the environment and people around us. My home was chaotic, so I uncovered my sacred spaces to be with my self and deeply realign.

I share them below with you, so that you may be inspired to acknowledge those spaces that fill you up, allowing you to be you. The more readily we have access to them in our reality, the more we can find ourselves looking in that direction. There might be more of them then you think!

Below find the spaces, places and people which strengthened my body and soul this past year. 

So grateful.

-Time with the Earth- Specifically my backyard, Hank’s Meadow at Quabbin Reservoir, RI and ME beaches, and local forests.

-The Farm at Avalon- My dear friend and colleague Susan McNamara’s lives on her farm in Southampton MA. This was my SANCTUARY. Every 2 weeks all through the summer I would make the hour drive without question to spend time on the land and connect in deep conversation. A healing experience every time. Co-creating with Susan and the land in holding circles and embodiment retreats fed something within me.  

-Personal practice- (movement, MELT, ritual, magic)- Creating time in my day just for me to pull a card, spend time outside, move with the wind or MELT my back, was an essential SPACE for me throughout the past year. This was a time for my whole system to settle and return to a baseline of self. It is reconnecting back to me in this way and at the same time to something greater than myself that stirs up that creative life force energy.

-Practitioners- I worked with a few practitioners over the past year. Specifically, my saving grace has been my Somatic Experiencing Practitioner who does touch work on a table (like I do in my practice). This was essential in providing an opportunity for my body/system to digest and process all of what was going on externally and internally in an embodied way. These sessions are very little talking. This is a space for my body to fully experience all of the unfolding, so that the experiences and situation weren’t getting stuck in my body. It was a space for emotions  to come up. I am very good at holding it in and continuing to plow through. This is how my system breaks down. These weekly sessions allowed my body integration time and kept my immune system strong. 

-Bedtime/dream time- I have learned how to LOVE this time of day. Snuggling in my bed, sensing the body of my husband and the comfort and safety of the support underneath me, I am able to let my whole body and nervous system settle throughout the night, restoring me for the next day. Working with dreams over the last year has been an amazing window into my subconscious.

-Intimacy with my husband- This was an opportunity to really co-regulate with another and share in his power and energy. These times together strengthened my systems capacity and often allowed me to be held while processing sensations of shame, grief, fear, terror through my body. At the same time the sensations of bliss, joy, and pleasure often became the medicine for healing. I held a lot of ancestral trauma in my DNA and my connection with my husband provided a strong container to work with and move through some of what was hanging on in my system.

-JourneyDance Class- This class occurs once a month (taught by my friend Susan!) and is the gift I give myself. I have been attending monthly for the last 2 years. Each experience is a container created just for my personal connection with self and something greater than me. To laugh, cry, scream, shake. All the things. This was my container to deeply feel my stuckness, the stickiness, the letting go and the freedom.

-Teaching Nia classes- Creating spaces for other women to connect to their heart and soul through movement brings me such joy. I held classes 2 times a week over the last year and worked with the space as a way to give back to the women in my life, and also provide the container for my own system to dance the themes that were coming up for me.

-Sacred Friendships- There are two women who stand out to me throughout this process as significant pillars of strength and support for me during this time. Their soul essence vibrates so significantly that spending time together allowed me to leave recharged, alive and reconnected to myself.

-Conversations with animals- Over the last few years I have developed significant relationships with various creatures living on my property. This past year, however, I have been noticing more connections with them outside of our home base.  

These are the spaces are where we find ourselves over and over again. They expand our capacity to hold all that is going on and unfolding. The more places, spaces, times, and people, that we are aware of and know where to orient towards, the easier it is to uncover our self and find peace in the chaos.

Space matters and support matters. It increases our body’s capacity. We are designed to co-regulate and our systems feel safe in the presence of others or rooted in a relationship to the Earth. That is connection and we need it to thrive. 

Where are your sacred spaces?