When my now 18-year-old was little, I used to tell him all the time not to be mad.
He would be upset about something and I’d be agitated and say:
“Don’t be mad. Why are you mad? There’s no need to be mad.”
Looking back at that version of myself (before I had done any nervous system work) makes me cringe. 🥴
How often do we unintentionally invalidate another person’s feelings — not because we want to, but because we don’t understand, we don’t “get it,” or we think they shouldn’t feel that way?
Our patterns, our own access to emotions, and our histories shape how we respond to the people in our lives. Without awareness, those old habituated ways of being take over and block healthy communication and connection.
For me, frustration/anger/rage were especially complicated emotions. For years, I didn’t know how to access them within myself and my body felt uncomfortable and afraid whenever someone else expressed them.
This deeply impacted my parenting. In the early years, I couldn’t understand why anyone would ever be angry, because I didn’t know how to feel it myself. My body reacted as though anger was unsafe.
Over time, I’ve learned how important healthy anger expression really is. It’s human. It’s necessary. It’s essential that our kids (and the people we love) know they can feel it without judgment.
I’ve learned how to be more comfortable in my body when anger is in the room — which means I’m less reactive, more grounded, and more available. Building this awareness has made me a better parent, partner, friend, and practitioner.
Do you notice yourself trying to micromanage your environment to avoid your partner’s or child’s moods? Do you shut down or get reactive in the face of certain emotions?
🌿 If this resonates, I have 1 space open right now for a 3- or 6-month Somatic Coaching container. This is the work of shifting patterns and behaviors at the nervous system level so you can meet emotions differently, step more confidently into your unique expression, and live with greater ease, alignment, and capacity.
Send me a message if you’d like to explore this work together.
